Dear Cappy #1 – April, 2015

April 1st, 2015

Hey everybody! I thought I’d email you in italics because it looks cool. Plus bold print seems kinda rude since it uses up a shitload of printer ink, and underlining every word would be overemphasizing the importance of this message. Now that I’m thinking about it, that lack of importance probably means it wouldn’t warrant anyone printing it. I mean, this isn’t exactly a treaty or even a flier or a menu for some punk-ass cafe that my wife makes me go to for lunch after I’ve dragged her through too many drive-thrus. You know the type of place I mean? It’s full of croissants and chalkboards and dirtbags making terrible wraps. I hate those places! They have bad lighting, too much pita bread, weird sodas I’ve never heard of, and fuckin’ scented candles for dessert!! Anyway, what was the point of this? Oh yeah…

We’re expecting our first child at the end of May. Her name is Madden Jae Caparulo. Jamie came up with that name. All I did was sign off on it and applaud. I guess, if it were up to me completely, her name might be Madden 92 Caparulo. But I’m all for Madden Jae because it reflects my favorite game, favorite athlete, and favorite TV show all in one name. Or 2 names, I guess, if you wanna be a dick about it.

I’M GLAD WE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT AND CARE INTO HER NAME. MY PARENTS JUST LET MY 3-YEAR-OLD SISTER NAME ME. SINCE MY DAD, MY UNCLE, AND MY GRANDFATHER WERE ALL NAMED “JOHN,” IT WAS NATURAL FOR A TODDLER TO NAME ME “JOHN” BECAUSE IT WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY MALE NAME SHE KNEW. I MEAN, WHAT ELSE WAS SHE GONNA NAME ME— BIG BIRD?? THAT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS! SURE, IT WOULDA BEEN A NICE GESTURE TO HONOR MY AUNT BIG BIRD, BUT THEN WHAT THE HELL WOULD WE CALL OUR CAT AT THAT POINT?? WE DIDN’T HAVE A CAT (OR AN AUNT BIG BIRD), BUT THE POINT I’M TRYING TO MAKE IS THAT CANDLES MAKE TERRIBLE DESSERTS!!

vote quimby.
Cap

 

And here I come, swooping in like usual to bring you the boring tour updates and news. If you follow us/me on social media you already know that John isn’t a fan of typing (due to his “stupid fingers”) therefore it’s me behind every Tweet, Facebook update, and Instagram post. So we shouldn’t be surprised that he’s left it up to me to once again bore you with the details and the girth of what these “Love Letter From Cap” are really about.

Firstly! I want to thank everyone who has congratulated us on the near arrival of our little MadCap. If the announcement of said baby was news to you then you haven’t been Keeping Up With The Kaparulos (sorry). We have a podcast called Domestic Disputes, it’s “funny, free, and not just a formality.” If you do listen to the podcast then you already know about Madden, and probably a few details about our pregnancy that you wish you hadn’t heard. We’re also distributing monthly Caplets +the ReCap. John developed a way to bypass the extinct form of delivering stand-up comedy to fans and began Caplets. Every month he comes up with 5-15 minutes of brand new material that he’s never done before. Literally, he thinks up his set while we’re driving to the Comedy and Magic Club. Obviously I’m biased, but I’ve lived in the comedy world for a handful of years and I can tell you that there are very few comedians who can develop fresh material like that on the spot. I’m really proud of him! He’s been able to keep Caplets going for 15 months now with no sign of stopping. The last few months we started adding on a ReCap to the end of each set. John and I sit down and discuss how the show went and get into the details of how the stories came about. Caplets can be viewed for free on YouTube, purchased on iTunes, or found on Hulu, Pandora, Spotify etc.

If you have seen all of the Caplets, or at least April, 2014’s dose, or have been to a live show within the last year; then you’ve heard his “Brown Spot” joke. Well we now have Brown Spot shirts and Craparulos to go with it! Yes, I know, we finally have a store! I heard your cries for Cap’s caps for years so I’m ecstatic that they’re now available. I truly appreciate you spending your hard-earned money on Cap crap and am in awe of how many orders have been placed in the 2 months the store has been “open”. In return, some of the proceeds are going to The Humane Society to help dogs who are probably more grateful than ours. If you want anything personally signed (tits excluded) please send me an email at EffinSweetProductions@gmail.com after you’ve placed your order.

I realize I’m rambling as though this is the Christmas newsletter my mother has been begging me to write for years. So in conclusion, dear family, all is well. John is currently touring in Tacoma, WA, and will be making two more trips…to Erie, PA and Minneapolis, MN before he’s forced home to assemble a stroller. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, he has shows in Pasadena May 15-16 and he’ll continue to perform at the Hermosa Beach Comedy and Magic Club every 3rd Tuesday. I’ll be adding more tour dates to the website in July, followed by another email. Looks like Denver, Atlanta, and multiple stops in Florida will be on the Fall calendar.

Thank you, and hope to see you at a show soon!
Jamie Caparulo…and Barney, Scobie, and Madden

One Response to “Dear Cappy #1 – April, 2015”

July 02, 2017 at 8:29 am, James Robb said:

John,
Duude . . . . I love you bro . . . . like . . no homo or anything . . . I need you to do me a solid. . . . You only have shows in places that I do not reside in. . . Love everything I have seen so far and would flip my shit if I could catch you live. NYC is not too far away either .. . . I could do NYC . . . I need some cap in my life man. . . .

Anyways . . . . Thanks
– James Robb

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